What should I do about my overweight friend?

My mate Cathy is morbidly obese, and although she pretends to be doing something about it, she blatantly isn't. On a work night out the other day, she scoffed a large meat-feast pizza, a huge slice of chocolate fudge cake with cream and dranks a load of alcohol too, having told everyone at work that day she was just going to have a salad. I really want to help her but don't want to offend her in any way. What should I do?

Public Comments

  1. She has to want to change, and have the knowledge required to achieve it.

    Most obese people just arent nutrionally aware and they can't make the right choices.

    See if you can nominate her for the next series of 'You are what you eat.' - it certainly educated me.
  2. leave her alone. i have the same problem with my little brother. there's no point if they're not interested in becoming thin.
  3. be a friend and be supportive. talk to her in a loving, caring non-judgmental way... maybe she has other emotional issues going on -- alot of people who over-eat turn to food as a form of CONSOLATION...
  4. Let her do what she wants to . She has to want to change. You are a friend not her parent
  5. Overeaters Anonymous will help those who want help. You can maybe mention it to her, but nothing else. Don't force your views onto her.

    Take care.
  6. tell her straight out that she nees to do something about her wsait because his bad for health
  7. Treat her to wait watchers for a birthday gift or something
  8. She should be ready to lose weight herself and until she is you cannot do anything
  9. If she doesnt want to be thin, she doesnt have to be, but if she continues eating that way, she can become unmoveable, or possibly die. Human bodies arent built to carry alot of weight.
  10. BE A FRIEND to your friend. Being a friend includes Not Enabling this behavior, as well as being supportive, and telling her the truth.

    Don't ever buy the cake for her, don't ever tell her that what she's doing is alright - and when she's ready to change - be there with and for her.
  11. ask her what is really going on with her diet, she has an addiction with food and is probally embarrassed!you cant help her if she doesnt want it!
  12. suggest you go and do some sport together
  13. be supportive, stand by her as a friend and dont judge her... but as others have said, she has to do it for herself and no one else. Tell her that your concerned about her and that you want to help her... maybe suggest to her about going to the doctors to talk about her weight and health. Offer to join the gym with her and do a diet together... just help her and be a good friend and support her. If she doesn't want to change her ways, then theres not much you can do.... id just speak to her though..
  14. send her to africa and let the starving people there feast on her...
  15. Like the others said... there isn't much you can do about it. Some people live to eat while the rest of us eat to live. When she's tired of all the detriments that go with being fat and unhealthy, she might like to look into Chet Day's diet and fitness plan:
    http://www.chetday.com/
  16. if she doesnt want to help herself then nothing you or anyone else does will help her
  17. She already knows your concerns and at this point doesn't want to change. When you are that overweight you are often depressed and the more people harp on your weight the more depressed you become. Your best bet is to let her know that if and when she decides to do something about her weight then you will be behind her 100%. She most likely feel out of control right now. Back off a little and help her get that control back.
  18. If you are a very good mate, it might be worth having a night in, with out food or alcohol, and ask why and how she got so big. There could be any number of reasons. If the blanket answer is 'comfort eating', what is she taking comfort from, i.e. what is she avoiding?
    I disagree with the people who say 'let them come to it in their own time, they have to want to do it, etc' In my opinion, you have to go on the gentle attack, and show them what they are doing do themselves, their bodies, internal organs etc, the effect on family and loved ones, when they die too early.
    Best of luck. If you really want to help, you have one hell of a task ahead of you, and that takes a true friend
  19. Butt out unless she asks for help.

    How do you know that she isn't trying anyway? A work night out is not the ideal place to be eating salads, especially if everyone else is scoffing pizza. This could have been her "night off".

    If you mention anything you will only make her upset and offend her.
  20. You should speak to her in a nice way, advising her of the health risks.....tell her what you like about her, she has to know that friendship is built on honesty so you have to be able to tell her the truth. Its for her own good anyway.

    She has got to want to change though, I'm sure she wants to but is denying the fact that she's obsessed.

    Try speaking to her
  21. Its good she has someone like you who cares about her. She probably really hates herself for being fat. Help her to feel better about herself by pointing out to her all her good features, physical and personality.Help her to choose clothes that flatter her ( loose ones made for people who are fat like from Evans).

    There is not much you can do to enourage her to diet. She has to want to do that herself. If you talk about diets it will just make her feel bad and that you are getting at her.Just be her friend and dont judge her by her weight.

    If she does start a diet pay her loads of attention and comment how much better she is looking even before she has lost a lot of weight.
  22. Do first one thing....Take her to Hospital just telling Medical Checkup....then tell that Doctor that She got all Diseases ....then no one will talk with her ...and then she will realised that she has lost a great friend....
  23. Send her details to one of the many TV programs that put peopke on the straight and narrow diet wise.
  24. if she doesn't want to loose weight no-one can force her... but if you want to help her you can say her that you want to be in diet and involve her, you can say that you need her help and that together you can do it: you control her and Cathy will try to control you, maybe stopping to eat herself... I've some problem of weight (8 Kg overweight) but I find easier if someone help me to control (I've asked it to my boyfriend and it works)... I've already lost 6 Kg but if you are alone is hard!
    if she wants to eat something give her water ( no coke or something like that...), fills up stomach and help to lose weight ( must drink 2 liters/day)...
    you must involve her with enthusiasm, smiling and encouraging her to continue!
    good luck
  25. Get off your ass, and go to the gym with her!
  26. The sad thing is, if she won't help herself, then all the advice in the world will not help her!!!!! Sometimes big people like to show off when eating, as if it doesn't bother them!!!!!!!
    She seems to be courting attention with the over eating. If she's offended by you telling it to her straight, she must know you're right, but doesn't want to admit it!!
    What about suggesting you both join weight watchers & the gym, & go with her for support, (if not the gym, a 30min walk everyday) She'll get a proper eating plan & diet sheet, you may have to baby sit her for a few weeks, until she sees some weight loss, but this should give her a confidence boost & encourage her to stick with it. Help her choose an outfit 2 sizes smaller as a goal. Taking the first step is always the hardest because she's gonna be embarrassed when she finds out what she actually weighs, cos' I bet she has no idea!!
    Just stick with her cos' she obviously needs a friend like you!!
    Good Luck!!
  27. I can sympathise with Cathy, as I am under the "Obese" category too.

    I guess it may be worth finding out why she feels the need to eat quite so much. Occasionally there is a condition when people always feel hungry and just can't stop eating - but this shouldn't be used as an excuse!!

    Is there anything active that you do (and will not feel too scarey) for your friend to do? I go walking with a rambling group which I find really good fun and swimming is a fairly good way to keep fit too!

    Hope it all works out well for her.
  28. There is absolutely nothing you can do to change a person who does not want to change. She will do what it takes when and if she is ever ready. Until then, just be her friend.
  29. well first she must want the help first other wise there's nothing u can do.
    but if i was u the only way is to do it together even if u don't need to lose weight do it in a way of support so she wont feel offended joined the gim and get her to joind to so that way u guys r going together and ur there for the support i was over weight my self i lost 1 stone in 2 weeks i just did it because i wanted to feel comfortable with my self the problem with ur friend is that shes comfortable with her self that is bad because shes thinking shes slim and theres no need for diet the truth is if she carry on like that shes eating herself to death
  30. support her, but dont do it for her. she has to learn to fight it.
  31. There are some horrible people out there, no one ever seems to sympathise with obese people. They are only bulimics that can't throw up. Show me an obese person thats truly happy and I would be AMAZED.

    I myself am too. I have started on reductil prescribed by my GP and I have never felt this positive. I have lost weight and I think that this time I have cracked it.

    As for your friend, she must admit that she has a problem herself. Tell a white lie and only if she brings it up that you have a friend on reductil and its really working for her (use my name and tell her I have lost a ton if you like)

    Another thing might be to ask her if she would join you in some exercise, say that you don't fel like you have the willpower to go by yourself and it could be fun.

    Best bet - GP

    Let her realise it herself.
  32. See if she will try thisTry a cleansing diet! I did and lost 10.5 pounds and 17 inches in only 9 days. I was very happy with the results and continued on the program and lost 25 pounds in 5 weeks. This is the fastest I have ever lost with other diets like Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Medifast, Slimfast etc…. Cleansing works by removing toxins from your body. You get toxins from your food (pesticides, preservatives, food additives, colorings) water, chemicals, pollution, medications, alcohol, hormones that the animals you eat were fed etc….YUCK! The toxins get coated with fat and remain in your body. To remove the fat, you have to remove the toxins. This system worked for me, maybe it can work for you too. You can check out the website or call this toll free number 1-877-587-4647 for more info. The program is not cheap, but it is worth every penny since it works and keeps you motivated. Good luck! show her the website...she has to be ready to do it! maybe you can be supportive
  33. Mention that you've been to a health checkup with your GP lately (it would be a good idea to have actually gone and not be lying about it!) for your full blood count, cholesterol, etc. and ask if she'd ever thought about having something similar done.

    You don't have to mention diets, comfort eating or anything - if it is serious enough to warrant being mentioned, the GP ought to broach the subject. If her health is at serious risk, she may need to be offended....
  34. At the end of the day shes gotta want to lose weight and by the sonuds of what shes eating she doesnt exactly care! If shes a close friend though you can always show her what its doing to you, tell her how much it hurts you to see her doing this to herself!But theres only so much that you can do!if she chooses to get rid of the weight then do it with her for support!
Powered by Yahoo! Answers